Dating after being a young widow antwerp stedendating
There are so many changes to bewilder us when death comes and rips the heart out of our lives. My daughters retreated in tears, the familiar music just made the emptiness of his chair more agonising.
Now we deliberately do everything differently, so as not to exacerbate our pain, but that was a lesson I had to learn.
If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider.
LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations.
Friendships, in my experience, dwindle in number, but deepen in the few that remain.
There is no doubt I get fewer invitations now, seven years after Desi's death, than we did as a couple. I was married to a man who, like Alan Coren, brought light and laughter into the room with him.
I know Desi would have spotted his incompetence far sooner, and got rid of him before he could do all that expensive damage.
Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner. You get more advice from caring friends when you are numb and vulnerable with grief than you ever get when you are facing other life milestones, such as pregnancy, parenting tantruming toddlers or angst-ridden teenagers.This is one way a widow's friends and family can offer valuable constructive help - by keeping an eye out for children and young people who may be relegated to the next room, and are feeling left out or guilty or bewildered by the changes in their lives and their surge of emotions. That was another mistake I made - trying faithfully to recreate all the things we used to do when Desmond was alive, even holding the same carol concert for friends and neighbours in our cottage.I have learned over the past seven years that the only thing worse than losing your soulmate is to be chased around the kitchen by someone you don't fancy, who doesn't make you laugh and whom you could never love.There may be widows whose hair, as Oscar Wilde said, turns bright gold with shock and who go out on the prowl.
So planning holidays was a skill I had to learn, and, like many widows, I have become addicted to cruises as these remove most of the strain.